Summer People Vs. Lobster

No, it’s not the year's worst attempt at a blockbuster summer movie. It’s another sequel in the long-running series of dramatic vignettes that play out in a small blue-collar town where a lot of rich people have summer homes. Our scene: grocery store, late afternoon in June. Dramatis personae: summer woman in casual designer chic and a big burly butcher.

Summer woman: “Where are the live lobsters?”

Butcher: “Sorry, we don’t have any.”

Summer woman: “What do you mean, you don’t have any? I’m having a party this weekend and I’m serving lobster.”

Butcher: “We have frozen lobster tails over there.”

Summer woman: “Frozen? FROZEN? Do you really think I’d serve my guests FROZEN lobster?”

Butcher: “I can order some for our next delivery if you like. Truck comes in Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

Summer woman: “Well, it’s Thursday, so get me some.”

Butcher: “The delivery came this morning. Next one is Tuesday.”

Summer woman: “My party is this weekend. I need live lobsters for tomorrow night.”

Butcher: “I can’t get any until Tuesday.”

Summer woman: “You have stores in Kalispell and Missoula, right? So call them, see if they have live lobsters and have them bring me some.”

Butcher: “Sorry ma’am. Best I can do is order some for Tuesday.”

The summer woman kept going on about how she needed them TODAY. A notable characteristic of the summer people species is that they think if they keep repeating how much they need something, it will magically appear. I didn’t stick around for the denouement. I’ve seen how this ends. So sorry about the milk, checkout lines, regular cheese, free-range beef, kobe beef and ice cream cones, doing your own shopping, and other indignities you suffer here. Hope the scenery makes up for it.