Oh sure, no one’s reading this today. You’re all swilling down suds and doing shooters at the “merging of greatness” party.
Top five changes now that the IT department has moved in to the main office:
5. The constant noise from “Guitar Hero” echoing up and down the halls all day – someone needs to tell Pat to knock it off and get to work.
4. The geek quotient at the main office just increased in direct proportion to the likelihood of your blog being hacked if you mention the increase in the geek quotient.
3. Before decorating the new offices, IT staffers have to present three concepts with storyboards and rationales for the creative direction.
2. The culture clash on casual Fridays, when “unbutton the top vest button” meets “assless chaps.”
1. No big change, really. If the IT folks want to talk to you, they’re still going to do it through e-mail, texting or blogging no matter where they are.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
RIP Dalton
In honor of the late Patrick Swayze, here are five of the best lines from one of the best bad movies ever made: “Roadhouse”:
5. “Pain don't hurt.”
4. “You're too stupid to have a good time.”
3. “We've got entirely too many troublemakers here. Too many 40-year-old adolescents, felons, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry.”
2. Doc: “Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in?”
Dalton: “Philosophy . . . man's search for faith. That sort of shit.
And of course the movie’s signature line:
1. “I thought you'd be bigger.”
And one of our all-time favorites:
Red Webster: "How long are you gonna be in town?"
Dalton: "Not very long."
Red Webster: "That's what I said 25 years ago."
Dalton: "Really? What happened?"
Red Webster: "I got married to an ugly woman. Don't ever do that. It just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was. That's life. Who can explain it?"
Roadhouse: the best bad movie that ever inspired a Christmas carol. RIP Dalton.
5. “Pain don't hurt.”
4. “You're too stupid to have a good time.”
3. “We've got entirely too many troublemakers here. Too many 40-year-old adolescents, felons, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry.”
2. Doc: “Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in?”
Dalton: “Philosophy . . . man's search for faith. That sort of shit.
And of course the movie’s signature line:
1. “I thought you'd be bigger.”
And one of our all-time favorites:
Red Webster: "How long are you gonna be in town?"
Dalton: "Not very long."
Red Webster: "That's what I said 25 years ago."
Dalton: "Really? What happened?"
Red Webster: "I got married to an ugly woman. Don't ever do that. It just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was. That's life. Who can explain it?"
Roadhouse: the best bad movie that ever inspired a Christmas carol. RIP Dalton.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Lies and the Lying Liars Who Yell Them
So this is what our civil discourse has come to. The president encouraging children to stay in school and study hard is indocternashun! Sosholism! The president giving a speech outlining his health care reform proposal is HitlerHitlerHITLER!
Stay classy, Joe Wilson. No doubt you’ll be outside some town hall this weekend, holding up a sign demanding that Obama release his “real burth cerfikate,” covered of course by Fox News, where the graphic will read, “Rep. Joe Wilson, (D) – SC.”
On the upside, his outburst did raise over $750,000 in campaign donations – for his opponent, Rob Miller.
And so, inevitably, instead of covering, oh, I don’t know, maybe the facts about health care reform, the media bobbleheads are all bobbling their heads over just how much of an ass clown Joe Wilson is. The point isn’t how rude he was. It’s how wrong he was. He was wrongedy-wrong wrong wrong. But never mind. Facts are boring, make for dull television, and have a well-known liberal bias. So it doesn’t matter much what Wilson yelled. What matters is the yelling. Could have been anything, really.
Top five things Joe Wilson really yelled during Obama’s speech:
5. I like your tie!
4. I’m so high!
3. Ham on rye!
2. The end is nigh!
1. Who wants pie?
And if you really want to be taken seriously, can we have less yelling and more spelling?
Stay classy, Joe Wilson. No doubt you’ll be outside some town hall this weekend, holding up a sign demanding that Obama release his “real burth cerfikate,” covered of course by Fox News, where the graphic will read, “Rep. Joe Wilson, (D) – SC.”
On the upside, his outburst did raise over $750,000 in campaign donations – for his opponent, Rob Miller.
And so, inevitably, instead of covering, oh, I don’t know, maybe the facts about health care reform, the media bobbleheads are all bobbling their heads over just how much of an ass clown Joe Wilson is. The point isn’t how rude he was. It’s how wrong he was. He was wrongedy-wrong wrong wrong. But never mind. Facts are boring, make for dull television, and have a well-known liberal bias. So it doesn’t matter much what Wilson yelled. What matters is the yelling. Could have been anything, really.
Top five things Joe Wilson really yelled during Obama’s speech:
5. I like your tie!
4. I’m so high!
3. Ham on rye!
2. The end is nigh!
1. Who wants pie?
And if you really want to be taken seriously, can we have less yelling and more spelling?
Friday, September 4, 2009
So Long, Summer
Labor Day weekend already, when we all say to ourselves, “Where the hell did the summer go?”
Top five signs summer’s over:
5. Nuts at town hall meetings have switched to heavier sweaters, coats and ammunition.
4. Glenn Beck’s face turning deep, dark shade of red . . . oh, sorry, that’s just a sign of yet another psychotic rant.
3. Paris Hilton spotted buying warm, modest, sensible clothing. For her dog, but baby steps, baby steps.
2. Media-savvy congressmen can now stage their sex-scandal-confessional press conferences against colorful autumn backdrops.
1. Woody has switched to his cold-weather booties.
And he looks pretty happy about it, doesn’t he?
His feet are better but still a bit red and ragged and he keeps licking them, so that means the booties stay on for now. So I guess I’ll be seeing that reproachful “why must you humiliate me in front of my squirrel enemies?” expression for awhile yet.
Top five signs summer’s over:
5. Nuts at town hall meetings have switched to heavier sweaters, coats and ammunition.
4. Glenn Beck’s face turning deep, dark shade of red . . . oh, sorry, that’s just a sign of yet another psychotic rant.
3. Paris Hilton spotted buying warm, modest, sensible clothing. For her dog, but baby steps, baby steps.
2. Media-savvy congressmen can now stage their sex-scandal-confessional press conferences against colorful autumn backdrops.
1. Woody has switched to his cold-weather booties.
And he looks pretty happy about it, doesn’t he?
His feet are better but still a bit red and ragged and he keeps licking them, so that means the booties stay on for now. So I guess I’ll be seeing that reproachful “why must you humiliate me in front of my squirrel enemies?” expression for awhile yet.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)