A Walk in the Dark

Last night Dean left his truck in the “pasture,” the big flat area down at the bottom of our driveway. He’d borrowed a trailer to haul some stuff and he didn’t want to back the trailer up our steep, winding driveway. As we walked up to the house, he said, “I’ll drive the Honda down to my truck in the morning.”

Me: “Drive? It would take all of a minute to walk.”

Dean: “Yeah, but it’s dark when I leave and there could be bears.”

Me: “I take the dogs out after dark every single night.”

Dean: . . . . . 

Me: “Keys for the Honda are in the basket by the phone.”

Sure enough, this morning the Honda is down in the pasture. I noticed that when I took the dogs outside first thing this morning. In the dark. 

Accio Chai Tea!

The summer people usually leave around Labor Day, so until next year I’ll probably be spared scenes like this: a grocery cart parked squarely across the entrance to the coffee and tea aisle, blocking anyone else from entering. A summer woman walking down the aisle, manicured finger pointing at the shelves while she mutters “chai tea, chai tea, chai tea, chai tea, chai tea.” She finds the chai tea, walks to the cart that’s blocking the aisle, throws the tea in and moves on to park her cart across the end of the next aisle. She walks down the aisle with her finger in the air, pointing at the shelves: “tomato paste, tomato paste, tomato paste, tomato paste, tomato paste.” Another aisle, blocked, finger in the air, pointing: “Dijon mustard, Dijon mustard, Dijon mustard, Dijon mustard, Dijon mustard.”

At this point I’m not sure if she’s blocking the end of the aisles on purpose to keep the local riffraff out while she does her mysterious shopping voodoo, or if it’s accidental and she just doesn’t know how grocery stores work.

Okay, summer lady:

1. We can all share the aisles. Really. We do it all the time.

2. Don’t glare at us when we move your cart to get down the aisle. You’re the asshole here.

3. Just look for it until you find it, or ask someone where it is. We don’t want to hear your little shopping chant all through the store.

4. If you’re trying to do a summoning charm, it’s “Accio chai tea!” And you can do it without blocking the aisle, Hermione.

Summer’s gone, but on the bright side, so are the summer people. So no more little dramas as the summer people grapple with issues involving shopping carts and aisles, beef, cheese and patience. A few will be back for ski vacations in December, but most of them will be gone until next summer. See you next year, summer people.