5. Pat giving us nice treats on our trip to DGC, like ice cream and listening to Fox News.
4. Relatively bear-free environment, except for Barth when I ask for more changes in the CMS.
3. The four taps on the faucets: hot, cold, lager and stout.
2. Enjoying the sunshine and fresh air of our fabulous rooftop terrace . . . oh damn. Next trip it’s gonna be the Fargo office.
1. Going home and working with Woody, because you guys all look at me funny when I offer to scratch behind your ears. Well, most of you anyway.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
In April and May we start looking for all of those “firsts” that are signs of spring. First robin, April 22. First hummingbird, April 24. First tulips blooming, May 8. First bear sighting, May 16. Dean was going to work Saturday morning when a bear ambled across the road not far from our place. Unperturbed by the car trying to get around him, he sat down in the road to enjoy a snack of roadkill bird. Dean edged closer, revved the engine, honked his horn, and finally the bear reluctantly left his free snack to let Dean get by.
You know you’ve lived in Montana awhile when you hear that and your first question is, “What color was the bear?”
Dean: “Cinnamon. Not too big, around 200 – 250 pounds I’d guess.”
Me: “Was it tall and skinny with a dark brown face and paws?”
Dean: “Nope.”
Me: “Doesn’t sound like the one that used to get into our hummingbird feeders. That was a cinnamon bear, but the face and paws were really dark. And the one that was hanging around here last year was black.”
When someone sees a bear, you want to figure out which bear. This one didn’t sound familiar so maybe it’s new to the area. By now I’m sure the local bears have warned him about the fearsome Woody. “Sometimes he’ll chase you, but sometimes he just stands there and looks at you like a goofball. So if you like raiding bird feeders, give it a shot.”
You know you’ve lived in Montana awhile when you hear that and your first question is, “What color was the bear?”
Dean: “Cinnamon. Not too big, around 200 – 250 pounds I’d guess.”
Me: “Was it tall and skinny with a dark brown face and paws?”
Dean: “Nope.”
Me: “Doesn’t sound like the one that used to get into our hummingbird feeders. That was a cinnamon bear, but the face and paws were really dark. And the one that was hanging around here last year was black.”
When someone sees a bear, you want to figure out which bear. This one didn’t sound familiar so maybe it’s new to the area. By now I’m sure the local bears have warned him about the fearsome Woody. “Sometimes he’ll chase you, but sometimes he just stands there and looks at you like a goofball. So if you like raiding bird feeders, give it a shot.”
Friday, May 15, 2009
Hitting the road next week . . .
Top five highlights of coming to North Dakota:
5. No pesky mountains to get in the way of the view.
4. Like Montana, gun ownership is legal. Unlike Montana, gun ownership is optional.
3. Real electricity! I won’t have to pedal all day to power my laptop.
2. That big sign at the MT/ND border: “Welcome to North Dakota. With 99.9 percent fewer bears.”
1. My squirrel-pelt slippers will be considered a cute novelty rather than a fashion staple.
5. No pesky mountains to get in the way of the view.
4. Like Montana, gun ownership is legal. Unlike Montana, gun ownership is optional.
3. Real electricity! I won’t have to pedal all day to power my laptop.
2. That big sign at the MT/ND border: “Welcome to North Dakota. With 99.9 percent fewer bears.”
1. My squirrel-pelt slippers will be considered a cute novelty rather than a fashion staple.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Everything Old is New Again, Star Trek Edition
In honor of the new Star Trek movie, the top five bestsellers from the original cast:
5. Scotty’s practical yet philosophical “Zen and the Art of Warp Core Maintenance.”
4. Uhura’s searing indictment of Star Fleet’s glass ceiling, “Open Your Own Damned Hailing Frequency.”
3. Spock’s candid memoir, “Nobody Knows the Tribbles I’ve Seen.”
2. Kirk’s racy bio, “Men are from Mars, Green-Skinned Space Babes are from Orion.”
1. Sulu’s racy bio, “Men are from Mars. So When Are We Going to Mars Again?”
5. Scotty’s practical yet philosophical “Zen and the Art of Warp Core Maintenance.”
4. Uhura’s searing indictment of Star Fleet’s glass ceiling, “Open Your Own Damned Hailing Frequency.”
3. Spock’s candid memoir, “Nobody Knows the Tribbles I’ve Seen.”
2. Kirk’s racy bio, “Men are from Mars, Green-Skinned Space Babes are from Orion.”
1. Sulu’s racy bio, “Men are from Mars. So When Are We Going to Mars Again?”
Friday, May 1, 2009
A Chicago man has opened a prison-themed hot dog stand that hires only ex-cons. Top five things on the menu:
5. Misdemeanor Weiner: sure it’ll give you indigestion, but you’ll only be in the bathroom for a few minutes.
4. Felony Frankfurter: for this one, you may be in for 10 – 20.
3. Hamburglary: served up in the window of the chuckwagon. If you can grab it and get away, it’s yours.
2. The Smokey Dog: priced in cigarettes.
1. And because it’s Illinois, the Blagojevich Bratwurst: better get a receipt, because even if the transaction is on tape, they’ll deny they ever tried to sell it to you.
5. Misdemeanor Weiner: sure it’ll give you indigestion, but you’ll only be in the bathroom for a few minutes.
4. Felony Frankfurter: for this one, you may be in for 10 – 20.
3. Hamburglary: served up in the window of the chuckwagon. If you can grab it and get away, it’s yours.
2. The Smokey Dog: priced in cigarettes.
1. And because it’s Illinois, the Blagojevich Bratwurst: better get a receipt, because even if the transaction is on tape, they’ll deny they ever tried to sell it to you.
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