Taking the Early Flight from Now On

Yes, I should have checked the flight status before going to the airport, but I had meetings all morning and then had to dash back to the hotel with ten minutes to change, finish packing and catch the airport shuttle. Got to the airport, got through security, went to the gate and checked the flight status before settling down to read a while before boarding started. Flight status: delayed. Five freaking hours. Which meant I would miss my connection in Denver by four hours.

This sucks on any trip, but for this particular one it was extra sucky, because the McQuade softball tournament was going on. That meant every hotel room in town had been booked for months. I spent what seemed an eternity on the phone with United and it was soon apparent that I wasn’t getting out of Bismarck until the next day. So . . . I guess I’m spending the night in the airport? Then I remembered it doesn’t stay open all night. They close when the last flight comes in. So . . . I guess I’m spending the night in the airport parking lot?

I made what I knew would be a futile call to the Expressway Suites, where I had checked out earlier.

“Sorry, we’re all booked up with the softball tournament but I’ll check . . . hey, whaddayaknow, a room just opened up. It’s a king-

“I’LL TAKE IT!”

“You sure? It’s a king-

“I’LL TAKE IT!”

Getting a room on Friday with no reservation with the McQuade softball tournament in town was like hitting the jackpot and winning the lottery. I would have taken a cot in their storage closet. So that afternoon instead of landing in Missoula I’m checking back in to a hotel in Bismarck. Sucks, but I’m really lucky to have a place to stay at all. When the guy checked me in, it took a while and I was getting worried that the whole “we actually have a room for you” thing was a mistake. But he was trying to find the quietest room for me. “I’ll put you in this one. Best I can do. You’re the only person on the floor who isn’t with a softball team. Oh, you’ll want these.” He tossed me a little package. It contained a set of earplugs.

A little later I turn on the local news, and their first story features the guy at the front desk who checked me in. They’re talking to him about how full all the hotels are with the tournament in town. “Oh yeah, we’ve been full for months. Every place in town is full. People make reservations a year in advance. I have one team that always has reservations for the next four years.” I had to crank up the volume on the TV a bit to hear the story, since there was a party going on under my window.

I didn’t use the earplugs. I was afraid I wouldn’t hear my alarm and I had a ridiculously early flight out. I wanted the first flight so I’d have other options in case it was delayed or cancelled. Left Bismarck ridiculously early as scheduled, easily caught my connection in Denver and was landing in Missoula shortly after 10 a.m. From now on I’m always taking that ridiculously early flight.

Summer People Vs. Lobster

No, it’s not the year's worst attempt at a blockbuster summer movie. It’s another sequel in the long-running series of dramatic vignettes that play out in a small blue-collar town where a lot of rich people have summer homes. Our scene: grocery store, late afternoon in June. Dramatis personae: summer woman in casual designer chic and a big burly butcher.

Summer woman: “Where are the live lobsters?”

Butcher: “Sorry, we don’t have any.”

Summer woman: “What do you mean, you don’t have any? I’m having a party this weekend and I’m serving lobster.”

Butcher: “We have frozen lobster tails over there.”

Summer woman: “Frozen? FROZEN? Do you really think I’d serve my guests FROZEN lobster?”

Butcher: “I can order some for our next delivery if you like. Truck comes in Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

Summer woman: “Well, it’s Thursday, so get me some.”

Butcher: “The delivery came this morning. Next one is Tuesday.”

Summer woman: “My party is this weekend. I need live lobsters for tomorrow night.”

Butcher: “I can’t get any until Tuesday.”

Summer woman: “You have stores in Kalispell and Missoula, right? So call them, see if they have live lobsters and have them bring me some.”

Butcher: “Sorry ma’am. Best I can do is order some for Tuesday.”

The summer woman kept going on about how she needed them TODAY. A notable characteristic of the summer people species is that they think if they keep repeating how much they need something, it will magically appear. I didn’t stick around for the denouement. I’ve seen how this ends. So sorry about the milk, checkout lines, regular cheese, free-range beef, kobe beef and ice cream cones, doing your own shopping, and other indignities you suffer here. Hope the scenery makes up for it.