Scooter and Toots

See, this is why you should never allow your parents at your workplace. Or, for that matter, let them even know where you work. The parents of a couple of my coworkers stopped by the office the other day and made casual references to their offspring who work here, using their childhood nicknames: “Scooter” and “Toots.” Okay, better than “Turd Blossom,” but still . . .

“Toots” brings to mind some platinum-haired, gum-snapping moll slinking around in a clingy bias-cut satin gown in a gangster movie from the ‘30s. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s not the image you want in your boss’s head when you’re up for your annual review. “Yes, I see you’ve been proactive in implementing our total quality initiative to maximize our core competencies across multiple disciplines, Toots . . . I mean, Miss Jenkins.”

Now, being called Scooter is okay if you’re a high-ranking government official/convicted felon, but it won’t earn you a lot of respect around our offices. Neither does driving an actual scooter, as you’ll see. Which brings us to our list:

Top five April Fool’s Day pranks:

5. Things people at iNet like to encase in Jello: Welder’s stapler, Welder’s coffee cup, and Welder.

4. Telling the new governor of New York that the person waiting to see him in his office is a “five-diamond Emperor’s Club girl” when it’s really Rudy Giuliani in a dress.

3. “Mr. President, it’s time for you to hit the campaign trail, so get out there and win your third term!”

2. “Dear Hillary: We’re all supporting you. Love, the Super Delegates.”

1. Getting a couple of your crazy uncles to show up at the office, introduce themselves to your boss as the parents of coworkers, and refer to them as “Stinkypants” and “Poopyhead.”