Hey candidates, fly out to the fly-over.

I suppose this week Pennsylvanians are cleaning up after having the Democratic presidential candidates hanging around in their living rooms for the last couple of months. Throwing out that box of frozen waffles they kept on hand for Obama, polishing off the last of the Crown Royal they stuck at the back of the liquor cabinet to hide from Hillary, trying not to be bitter about being ignored until November . . .

Though we have elected some Democrats and kicked out one deeply corrupt Republican, the state of Montana remains largely red as the inside of a rare elk steak when it comes to the top slot. In the latest polls McCain enjoys a comfortable lead over Clinton, 54 % to 36 %. The race with Obama is much tighter, with McCain just five points in the lead, 48% to 43%.

So if the candidates think our measly three electoral votes are worth fighting for, they may actually have to show up, claim to love fly fishing, pose awkwardly in a hard hat outside a closed-down sawmill, and take questions from the locals. Hey, when it comes to asking the hard-hitting, relevant questions, us plain folk can hardly do much worse than the inane Charlie Gibson and the irrelevant George Stephanopoulos.

Top 5 questions Montanans might have for the candidates:

5. Gun control: “Do you keep your guns in a vertical cabinet, or do you prefer a horizontal rack?”

4. Lapel pins: “It’s good that they wear those so we know who they are, and we don’t go for them kind of folks, so I’m glad to see that none of you has got on one of them fag pins.”

3. Health care: “Let’s say you’re gettin’ a tooth yanked. Does your health care plan pay for a fancy shot of Crown Royal, or do we have to settle for the bottom-shelf stuff?” (Hillary only)

2. Bowling scores: “A 37? Are you freakin’ kidding me? How can you be president when you roll lower than I did the day after I lost all them fingers down at the sawmill?” (Obama only)

1. War: “Montana congresswoman Jeannette Rankin voted to keep the U.S. out of World War I in 1917. After she cast that vote, what did you say to her?” (McCain only)