Pity the weekend-homeless . . .

In hard times, why is it always the rich who suffer? As the New York Times recently reported on the wreckage left in the wake of the implosion of Bear Stearns, “some executives had moved quickly, putting their weekend homes on the market.”

Oh, the humanity! Those poor executives facing the loss of their weekend homes for no other reason than their own greed and incompetence in creating the economic Titanic that is the subprime mortgage meltdown. Why should they suffer simply because they made the mess and profited from it?

But don’t despair. We are, after all, led governed ruled by a president who labels himself a “compassionate conservative.” And it’s true. When you lose your home or face bankruptcy, he’s all conservative. A real “pull yourself up by your bootstraps, provided you still have boots” kinda guy. But when rich people need a handout, then you see the compassion. The caring. And the taxpayers’ money.

But suppose that mean old Congress won’t go along, no matter how much he threatens to call them “soft on terror – the terror of losing your beach house”? Then it is incumbent upon us to lend a hand, in the great American tradition of helping the uptrodden. Please, give what you can. Even a small donation of just $100,000 can help some poor CEO hang on to his ocean-front home in the Hamptons. You’ll be amply rewarded in the look of joy and unbridled avarice on his face as he realizes your generosity means he’ll be able to keep his weekend home and, thus, his trophy wife as well. We as a nation must come together to help the weekend-homeless.