As political sex scandals go, the Eliot Spitzer thing is practically wholesome. No sleazy bathroom stalls, no under-age pages, no lobbyists, not even a dubious denial or playing of the Jesus card. Just the by-now-routine press conference with his wife wearing the usual clenched-jaw “standing by my man as long as the friggin’ cameras are here” expression on her face. Only the sharp whiff of hypocrisy keeps it from being boring.
Top five fun facts about the Spitzer scandal:
5. For days he wrestled with his decision to resign – and wrestling usually costs him $4,000 an hour.
4. Why did his hooker cost so much? Half for her services and half for the gas to get to his office.
3. Why’s his wife standing by him? Let’s see, sex scandal involving a Democrat . . . in keeping with tradition she’ll run for the senate in 2012 and the White House in 2016.
2. Staffers were wondering why they were always paid in an envelope of cash left on their bedroom dressers.
1. Aides kept hearing him in his office telling someone to move to the left, now a little to the right, now left again – they thought he was talking about *political* positions.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
MSU: a fine liberal arts institution. Well, by Montana standards anyway.
The other day I on the brilliant Sadly No blog I ran across Dennis Prager’s list of questions parents should ask college admissions counselors, lest they inadvertently select an institution that will befuddle junior’s carefully cultivated conservative brain with crazy librul ideas. The blogger suggested that, rather than packing the kiddies off to the horrors of Harvard, red-state Ma and Pa should choose a conservative school, such as Bob Jones or Montana State. Well, as a resident of the treasure state I happen to know that Montana State is a fine university. Top five classes at Montana State:
5. White-tailed deer, mule deer, elk and liberals: types of prey and what to shoot them with.
4. Foreign languages: how to talk to Canadian hunting guides.
3. Great men in history: Colt, Remington and Winchester.
2. Civics 101: the bald eagle. Beautiful, majestic symbol of our country, and delicious on the grill.
1. Civics 102: Voting. How Diebold does it for you, so you don’t have to!
5. White-tailed deer, mule deer, elk and liberals: types of prey and what to shoot them with.
4. Foreign languages: how to talk to Canadian hunting guides.
3. Great men in history: Colt, Remington and Winchester.
2. Civics 101: the bald eagle. Beautiful, majestic symbol of our country, and delicious on the grill.
1. Civics 102: Voting. How Diebold does it for you, so you don’t have to!
Monday, March 3, 2008
How Dumb Can the WaPo Get?
In case you were wondering, "Just how dumb can the Washington Post get?", here's your answer in this charming column by Charlotte Allen. In attempting to make her point, which is that women are stupid, she makes a convincing case for the stupidity of Charlotte Allen and the WaPo editors.
Quick, how many pairs of shoes do you own? You don't know? You're dumb! Yes, as per Ms. Allen, lack of shoe-related mathematical knowledge is just one more symptom of the sad stupidity associated with the lack of a Y chromosome. So go count your shoes, if you can manage to do so with your little ladybrain, then curl up with a lame girly book and a Celine Dion CD. After you've cancelled your WaPo subscription, of course.
Quick, how many pairs of shoes do you own? You don't know? You're dumb! Yes, as per Ms. Allen, lack of shoe-related mathematical knowledge is just one more symptom of the sad stupidity associated with the lack of a Y chromosome. So go count your shoes, if you can manage to do so with your little ladybrain, then curl up with a lame girly book and a Celine Dion CD. After you've cancelled your WaPo subscription, of course.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The Uniter Unites Us
Oh, Dubya, to think I doubted you. Way back in those halcyon days of 2000, before we were mired in war on two fronts, before the Constitution was fed through the Oval Office shredder, when rows of tidy homes were occupied by families instead of shuttered and abandoned in foreclosure, you told us that you were a uniter, not a divider.
Yes, I doubted. As you and your party proceeded to defile and corrupt the political process through the bludgeon of Richard Mellon Scaife’s bottomless bank account and the wedge of divisive social issues (vote Republican or you’ll be forced to get gay married!), I doubted you more and more.
But now, finally, as your . . . uh, “eventful” presidency draws to a close, you have truly united the country. Your approval rating of 19 percent means that 81 percent of the country is solidly united. Against you. I should have believed.
You can’t get 81 percent of Americans to believe that the earth is round, or that it revolves around the sun. And yet, persevering against all odds, in just seven years you have so trashed our economy, our foreign policy, our system of justice, our democratic and legislative processes, our Constitutional rights and our reputation in the world, that over four-fifths of the country stands united against you. I won’t misunderestimate you again.
Yes, I doubted. As you and your party proceeded to defile and corrupt the political process through the bludgeon of Richard Mellon Scaife’s bottomless bank account and the wedge of divisive social issues (vote Republican or you’ll be forced to get gay married!), I doubted you more and more.
But now, finally, as your . . . uh, “eventful” presidency draws to a close, you have truly united the country. Your approval rating of 19 percent means that 81 percent of the country is solidly united. Against you. I should have believed.
You can’t get 81 percent of Americans to believe that the earth is round, or that it revolves around the sun. And yet, persevering against all odds, in just seven years you have so trashed our economy, our foreign policy, our system of justice, our democratic and legislative processes, our Constitutional rights and our reputation in the world, that over four-fifths of the country stands united against you. I won’t misunderestimate you again.
Monday, February 25, 2008
GOP, the party of family values . . .
“This is not the Democratic Party, this is a party of values. We assume our candidates have been loyal to their family.” – Bay Buchanan, responding to allegations of John McCain’s “close relationship” with a lobbyist.
No, I’m not making that up. See the video for yourself.
So, is Bay Buchanan:
1. Utterly ignorant of what’s been going on with so many of those “family values” Republicans lately?
2. Assuming the rest of the country is utterly ignorant of what’s been going on with so many of those “family values” Republicans lately?
3. Striving for the dizzying heights of Bill O’Reilly-level mendacity?
4. Or just relieved that a Republican is involved in a heterosexual scandal for a change?
McCain was, of course, unfaithful to his first wife with his current wife. But hey, at least he’s not a Democrat.
No, I’m not making that up. See the video for yourself.
So, is Bay Buchanan:
1. Utterly ignorant of what’s been going on with so many of those “family values” Republicans lately?
2. Assuming the rest of the country is utterly ignorant of what’s been going on with so many of those “family values” Republicans lately?
3. Striving for the dizzying heights of Bill O’Reilly-level mendacity?
4. Or just relieved that a Republican is involved in a heterosexual scandal for a change?
McCain was, of course, unfaithful to his first wife with his current wife. But hey, at least he’s not a Democrat.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Why Woody?
Just so we’re clear on the meaning of this blog’s name, Woody is my dog. So if you thought Woody pertained to something else, sorry ladies. And you too, guys. Hmm, more guys than I’d expected . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that. Must have thought it was a woodworking forum or something.
Woody’s a sheltie with an unfailingly cheerful outlook on life. In his doggie brain, everyone’s nice, everything is fun, and anything can be made into a game. He’s always happy.
As for me, as a blue girl in a red state, and as a sentient being in the last year of the Bush administration, I have a rather different outlook. But the end is in sight, and as I flip over the pages of my Dubya countdown calendar, I realize that anyone, and practically anything, would make a better president, including:
In spite of the fact that canine-Americans are still inexplicably denied voting rights, Woody does follow politics. His big issue is immigration. He says we need to build a big kennel fence across the southern border to keep Chihuahuas from taking all those spots in heiresses’ handbags that should be filled by spoiled American lapdogs. A narrow perspective perhaps, but more lucid and well-thought-out than anything you’ll hear from Lou Dobbs, and probably with less butt-sniffing going on as well.
Let’s get our weekends off to a good start with a Friday Five list. I’ll be posting one every Friday, so check back, and send this link to your friends. Or at least your friends with a sense of humor. And if they don’t have a sense of humor, get different friends.
Top five John McCain pickup lines:
5. “The media calls it the Straight Talk Express. I call it the Love Machine.”
4. “How’d you like to see your name on the front page of the New York Times?”
3. “What’s a red-blooded girl like you doing in a blue state like this?”
2. “No, baby, I swear, when they call me a flip-flopper, they’re just talking about my voting record.”
1. “My Secret Service code name? McLovin.”
Coming Monday:
Bay Buchanan: hilariously delusional, or delusionally hilarious?
Woody’s a sheltie with an unfailingly cheerful outlook on life. In his doggie brain, everyone’s nice, everything is fun, and anything can be made into a game. He’s always happy.
As for me, as a blue girl in a red state, and as a sentient being in the last year of the Bush administration, I have a rather different outlook. But the end is in sight, and as I flip over the pages of my Dubya countdown calendar, I realize that anyone, and practically anything, would make a better president, including:
- All current Democratic candidates
- Oh hell, even the current Republican candidates. They just couldn’t do worse. Could they?
- Franklin Pierce (exhumed or cloned, take your pick)
- Woody
- The chair that Dubya parks his sorry ass on in the Oval Office whenever Mr. Cheney lets him play behind the big desk
In spite of the fact that canine-Americans are still inexplicably denied voting rights, Woody does follow politics. His big issue is immigration. He says we need to build a big kennel fence across the southern border to keep Chihuahuas from taking all those spots in heiresses’ handbags that should be filled by spoiled American lapdogs. A narrow perspective perhaps, but more lucid and well-thought-out than anything you’ll hear from Lou Dobbs, and probably with less butt-sniffing going on as well.
Let’s get our weekends off to a good start with a Friday Five list. I’ll be posting one every Friday, so check back, and send this link to your friends. Or at least your friends with a sense of humor. And if they don’t have a sense of humor, get different friends.
Top five John McCain pickup lines:
5. “The media calls it the Straight Talk Express. I call it the Love Machine.”
4. “How’d you like to see your name on the front page of the New York Times?”
3. “What’s a red-blooded girl like you doing in a blue state like this?”
2. “No, baby, I swear, when they call me a flip-flopper, they’re just talking about my voting record.”
1. “My Secret Service code name? McLovin.”
Coming Monday:
Bay Buchanan: hilariously delusional, or delusionally hilarious?
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
You never know what's lurking out there . . .
Today Dean had a story on the news about a couple of guys who escaped from the Montana state pen. One of them is the doofus who was shooting his mouth off about kidnapping David Letterman’s kid from his place in Choteau, northeast of here. The other was a burglar. Dean had e-mailed earlier to tell me they were thought to be in the Swan Valley, just on the other side of the Mission Mountains, and could be headed in our direction.
Dean just called to make sure I had the doors locked. Turns out they caught one of the guys near highway 35, around the 16 mile marker. That’s eight miles from our house. Not sure which one they caught, but the other one’s still out there.
All the doors and windows are locked, Woody’s on full alert status, or at least presumably willing to be awakened to become semi-alert if needed. Here I thought the only things I had to worry about coming down from the Missions were bears and very aggressive squirrels.
Dean just called to make sure I had the doors locked. Turns out they caught one of the guys near highway 35, around the 16 mile marker. That’s eight miles from our house. Not sure which one they caught, but the other one’s still out there.
All the doors and windows are locked, Woody’s on full alert status, or at least presumably willing to be awakened to become semi-alert if needed. Here I thought the only things I had to worry about coming down from the Missions were bears and very aggressive squirrels.
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