The Uniter Unites Us

Oh, Dubya, to think I doubted you. Way back in those halcyon days of 2000, before we were mired in war on two fronts, before the Constitution was fed through the Oval Office shredder, when rows of tidy homes were occupied by families instead of shuttered and abandoned in foreclosure, you told us that you were a uniter, not a divider.

Yes, I doubted. As you and your party proceeded to defile and corrupt the political process through the bludgeon of Richard Mellon Scaife’s bottomless bank account and the wedge of divisive social issues (vote Republican or you’ll be forced to get gay married!), I doubted you more and more.

But now, finally, as your . . . uh, “eventful” presidency draws to a close, you have truly united the country. Your approval rating of 19 percent means that 81 percent of the country is solidly united. Against you. I should have believed.

You can’t get 81 percent of Americans to believe that the earth is round, or that it revolves around the sun. And yet, persevering against all odds, in just seven years you have so trashed our economy, our foreign policy, our system of justice, our democratic and legislative processes, our Constitutional rights and our reputation in the world, that over four-fifths of the country stands united against you. I won’t misunderestimate you again.