Why Woody?

Just so we’re clear on the meaning of this blog’s name, Woody is my dog. So if you thought Woody pertained to something else, sorry ladies. And you too, guys. Hmm, more guys than I’d expected . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that. Must have thought it was a woodworking forum or something.

Woody’s a sheltie with an unfailingly cheerful outlook on life. In his doggie brain, everyone’s nice, everything is fun, and anything can be made into a game. He’s always happy.

As for me, as a blue girl in a red state, and as a sentient being in the last year of the Bush administration, I have a rather different outlook. But the end is in sight, and as I flip over the pages of my Dubya countdown calendar, I realize that anyone, and practically anything, would make a better president, including:

• All current Democratic candidates
• Oh hell, even the current Republican candidates. They just couldn’t do worse. Could they?
• Franklin Pierce (exhumed or cloned, take your pick)
• Woody
• The chair that Dubya parks his sorry ass on in the Oval Office whenever Mr. Cheney lets him play behind the big desk

In spite of the fact that canine-Americans are still inexplicably denied voting rights, Woody does follow politics. His big issue is immigration. He says we need to build a big kennel fence across the southern border to keep Chihuahuas from taking all those spots in heiresses’ handbags that should be filled by spoiled American lapdogs. A narrow perspective perhaps, but more lucid and well-thought-out than anything you’ll hear from Lou Dobbs, and probably with less butt-sniffing going on as well.

Let’s get our weekends off to a good start with a Friday Five list. I’ll be posting one every Friday, so check back, and send this link to your friends. Or at least your friends with a sense of humor. And if they don’t have a sense of humor, get different friends.

Top five John McCain pickup lines:

5. “The media calls it the Straight Talk Express. I call it the Love Machine.”

4. “How’d you like to see your name on the front page of the New York Times?”

3. “What’s a red-blooded girl like you doing in a blue state like this?”

2. “No, baby, I swear, when they call me a flip-flopper, they’re just talking about my voting record.”

1. “My Secret Service code name? McLovin.”

Coming Monday:
Bay Buchanan: hilariously delusional, or delusionally hilarious?