5. You’re not a terrorist, but you still keep trying to set your underwear on fire.
4. Even Florida is cold – every night Tiger Woods throws a couple of extra mistresses on the bed.
3. The airport security guards are patting everyone down, just to keep their hands warm.
2. Byron Dorgan’s retiring – either hell has frozen over or Pat’s prayers have finally been answered.
1. Polar bears can’t even take the plunge:
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