Paris for President

Paris Hilton?

Yeah, like we’d elect a vapid moron whose laughable “qualifications” are limited to being born into a wealthy and powerful family. Someone with embarrassing videos all over the internet. Someone apparently incapable of the most basic intellectual activities, like reading and understanding.

Then again, when it comes to stupid reasons to vote for someone, maybe self-proclaimed hotness is the new “I'd like to have a beer with that guy.” What the hell – top five highlights of a Paris Hilton presidency:

5. “I don’t know about, you know, presidential platforms and stuff, but I’m totally in favor of platform shoes.”

4. Office of the Vice President renamed to Office of My BFF.

3. The hair-pulling catfight between Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears over who gets the new cabinet post of “Secretary of Skankitude.”

2. Immediate extraordinary rendition with extreme prejudice for everyone who panned her performance in “House of Wax.” Which would be everyone who reviewed “House of Wax.” Or saw “House of Wax.”

1. The embarrassing press conference where she talks about her positions on offshore drilling before Helen Thomas clarifies, “I meant for oil.”