Montana and South Dakota, apparently in a dead heat for national irrelevancy, held the last two primary elections in the country this week. Despite Obama’s win in Montana, Ron Paul did surprisingly well, garnering 20 percent among those who chose a Republican ballot. His supporters didn’t do quite so well at our polling place. Earlier in the day they had set up a table right in front of the door to the high school and had half a dozen volunteers annoying working the crowd. By the time I voted late in the afternoon, they had apparently been told that their Libertarian liberties don’t extend to politicking at the polling place. Two rather forlorn-looking guys were sitting on the boulevard by the curb in folding chairs with a Ron Paul sign at their feet. Hey, cheer up guys – 20 percent’s pretty good. You’re closing in on Dubya’s new record-low approval rating of 25 percent!

Top five results of the Montana primary:

5. Confused voters trying to write in Montana Libertarian Stan Jones, aka “the blue guy,” accidentally gave the senate nomination to Blue Man Group.

4. Voters approved a controversial new health care plan based on the medicinal properties of knoephle soup and cheeseburgers.

3. No gun control initiatives on the ballot, as usual. Hey, our voter pool contains people like this guy.

2. For the tenth straight time, we voted “No” on invading Idaho. So Mike, you’re safe. FOR NOW.

1. For the first time, we voted “Sure, why not?” on invading North Dakota. So Mike, you’re getting out just in time.