Two friggin WHAT?

We faxed an outline and measurements of our countertop to the granite fabricators months ago. When looking through the slabs, we asked if one slab would be enough. Yup, no problem. The stuff we picked out had two slabs in the lot, one here and one in Idaho Falls. The showroom in Missoula assured us one was plenty. The showroom in Kalispell assured us one was plenty. The fabricators in Kalispell assured us one was plenty. The guy who made the template the other day assured us one was plenty.

The fabricators just called. They need two slabs. They'll get the one from Idaho Falls. In TWO FRIGGIN' WEEKS. They've had all the measurements and the exact slab we want for two months, and just today they realized, "Oh, I guess we do need that other slab they keep asking us about."

I wish I had another huge kitchen to remodel just so I could not do business with these idiots again.

So that means at least two more weeks of washing dishes in the downstairs shower. I'm still trying to pretend we're camping, but it only reminds me of why we never go camping. Because I hate camping. Especially when it's in my house.

On Tuesday, Obama’s victory was cause for celebration. Now it’s Friday and I’ve come to a terrible realization. Starting in January, it’s going to be a hell of a lot harder to toss off a quick Friday 5. Oh Dubya, I miss you already.

But this week our list was inspired by an actual headline from CNN:

Zoo gorilla gets colonoscopy

And you thought your job was tough. Top five jobs that are tougher than yours:

5. Snowplow driver in Bismarck.

4. Prank phone call screener for Sarah Palin.

3. Head writer for SNL, ‘cause now they’ll have to write funny news instead of just reading the real news.

2. Explaining to Bush why he has to move out of the big White House and won’t have the shiny fancy plane to fly around in any more.

1. And, apparently, remodeling my friggin’ kitchen, because this project is lasting longer than the election.

Starting to look kitchen-ish . . .

Most of the cabinets are in. Still need hardware and some trim.



The microwave is in. The range hood is kind of in -- they'll have to figure out how to cut off the top part so it fits under the soffit.

The granite guy made the template for the countertop today. I explained that we wanted a raised glass bartop that would be held up by stainless steel supports, and showed him a picture I had found online.

Granite guy: "Wow, that's really cool."

Me: "So you can do it?"

Granite guy: "Nope. No idea how to do that."

He did say he would ask the guys back at the shop. So he called later and said the shop guys had a brilliant solution: "All ya gotta do is get some steel posts and drill through the granite and through your cabinets down into the floor."

Me: "Uh, the cabinets there have drawers and rollout pantries and things in them."

Granite guy: "Oh, those would have to come out. We need to run these posts right through the cabinets at an angle."

Thus rendering our brand-new cabinets pretty much useless. I've asked every countertop fabricator from Kalispell to Missoula if they can do the glass bartop. Every one says the same thing: "Wow, that's really cool. Nope, can't do it." So we may have to put that part of the project on the back burner. If we had a burner.

Floor & ceiling . . .

We have a complete floor



and a ceiling.



Now we just need something in between. The cabinets are supposed to be delivered tomorrow. Then again, they were supposed to be here last Tuesday. And last Thursday. This Monday at the latest. Did I say Monday? Let's go for Wednesday.

Made it . . .

The tile is in and we made it with one half of a tile to spare. I should frame the leftover half-tile and hang it up in the finished room as a monument to our stupidity. Gotta run to Kalispell today for more grout. No, we didn't get the math wrong on that. The instructions say each package is good for 55 square feet but in reality it only covers about 40. The coffered ceiling is being trimmed out today. I'll post some pics of that when it's done.

Election night is to me what the World Series or Super Bowl is to a sports fan. I make a platter of party snacks, commandeer the remote control and skip around through all the news channels, and hop around online through the political blogosphere. But all the bullshit does start getting old by election day. Top five things I’m glad I won’t be hearing any more after Tuesday:

5. Lipstick, pigs, hockey moms, and Joe the Plumber, my friends.

4. “The _________ campaign has thrown _________ under the bus.”

3. Anything at all from profoundly stupid soon-to-be-former congresswoman Michele Bachmann.

2. A noun, a verb, and “maverick.”

1. “Karen, please stop yelling at the TV. You’re scaring the hell out of the dog.”

We’re idiots when it comes to home improvement, but you’d think we could do basic math. We measured our kitchen and dining floors about a hundred times. We planned for 250 square feet of tile, including overage. So we picked out some tile and wanted 20 boxes to ensure ample overage but they only had 19. Okay, we bought it all. Should be enough and we can probably take one or maybe even two boxes back.



As the tile went in yesterday I thought the pile of boxes was getting smaller a lot faster than the area that remained to be tiled was disappearing. Then I realized why. We had originally planned to put the cabinets in, and tile up to them. Change in plans – instead we’re tiling the whole area, including under where the cabinets will be. But like the boneheads we are, we forgot to increase the square footage to account for the extra tile.

So for those of you playing along, here are the actual numbers: square footage to be tiled: 260. Square feet of tile we bought: 261.5. We counted it off yesterday about a dozen times. Based on the remaining tile and remaining area to be tiled, our overage, which should be ten percent, now stands at half a tile. Dean’s on hot standby to run to Missoula if needed, and tile guy will be making his cuts very carefully.