Top five surprises in the election:

5. “Not a witch” is also “not an effective campaign slogan.”

4. The new definition of fiscal conservative: “willing to spend $142 million in pursuit of a job with an annual salary of $212,000.”

3. The surprising power of the previously obscure “aqua Buddha” voting bloc.

2. Glenn Beck’s tally of Republican votes: “167 kajillion!”

1. John Boehner, Nov. 1: “We need more bipartisanship!” John Boehner, Nov. 3: “Screw bipartisanship!”