That’s probably not how Cheney intended to leave the White House. He may have wanted to make an exit that was less Dr. Strangelove-esque. Not so Blofeldian. More elder statesman accepting the thanks of a grateful nation, less Mr. Potter clutching the Bedford Falls newspaper with Uncle Billy’s missing bank deposit hidden inside. No doubt he hurt himself trying desperately to cling to the reins of power with his wizened yet surprisingly strong talon-like grasp.

Bye, Dubya and Dick. You are not getting your damage deposit back.

Top five highlights of the inauguration:

5. Dubya’s traditional letter to his successor: “Here’s the keys to the country. I left ya a coupla countries to invade. Good luck presidentializin, and remember, when something goes wrong, just blame the nearest Clinton.”

4. Dubya’s not-so-traditional sendoff: the 21-shoe salute.

3. Woody’s reaction: “Don’t close Gitmo! Put in more cells! Lots of tiny, tiny, squirrel-sized cells.”

2. Chief Justice Roberts: “Raise your right hand, and if we don’t get it right, what the hell, we can always do it over.”

1. The big highlight of the day that everyone’s still talking about. No, not Obama’s speech. Aretha’s hat.