Sarah Palin vs. Bag of Hammers

There’s one question that has been nagging sentient Americans since August of 2008 (Thanks sooo much, John McCain): Is Sarah Palin dumber than a bag of hammers? Let’s check the facts:

1. While hammers have been known to draw blood, particularly in my clumsy hands, they have never used the loaded phrase “blood libel,” and thus could not have used it in the appalling context of the shooting of a Jewish congresswoman. Advantage: hammers.

2. No hammer has made millions of dollars spouting the same platitudes over and over. (Tom “The Hammer” Delay doesn’t count, as he is not an actual hammer and will not have access to hammers for the next three years or so.) Advantage: Palin.

3. Hammers do not read newspapers. Neither does Palin. Tie.

4. Hammers are useful, serve a necessary purpose, and when not in use, lie quietly in tool chests and junk drawers. Advantage: hammers.

5. Hammers do not have Twitter or Facebook accounts. Advantage: Palin.

6. Hammers don’t use Twitter or Facebook to post inane ramblings, veiled slurs and made-up words. Advantage: hammers.

7. Hammers don’t spend half their time courting media attention and the other half attacking the media for all the attention. Advantage: hammers.

The hammers have it.