It’s hard to go over the top when it comes to figure skating costumes, but when you’re wearing an outfit that Lady Gaga might consider “too much,” it might be time to hire a stylist who will pare back the sequins a bit.
Top five actual Salon review comments about the outfits in men’s figure skating:
5. "Czech Michal Brezina is dressed as a bedazzled golfer."
4. "Lysaceck takes to the ice wearing the evil alien villain garb from 'Superman.'"
3. "Plushenko, dressed in a sequined faux-tie and faux-vest, looks like a carnival barker trapped in a gay disco."
2. "Viktor Pfeifer looks like your average gawky high school cross country runner who happened into the wrong dressing room and emerged dressed like Krystal Carrington in dinner party attire."
1. "Finally, Johnny Weir is here! Wearing a costume that conjures a late-night vampire raid on Frederick's of Hollywood."
Next up: ice dancing, then the women’s skating. I don’t know if the scoring rules have changed, but I do know the costume rules never change. If they’re wearing feathers, they’ll skate to “Firebird.” If the woman is wearing a poufy white skirt with a little apron and has ribbons in her hair and the man’s in an embroidered vest, their routine is “inspired by a folk dance.” If they’re dressed like mimes, it’s a good time to go get a snack and a fresh beverage. In women’s figure skating, feathers = “Swan Lake.” Unless you’re Oksana Baiul, who inexplicably put feathers on everything. A little sequined cap = “Juliet.” Red and black dress with extra flouncy skirt and little black pick hair ornament = “Carmen.” And if you’re Johnny Weir, well, screw the judges. You ROCKED that pink tassel.
