It’s a list-y time of year. Shopping lists, to-do lists, year-end “best of” and “worst of” lists, naughty/nice lists. And as my friends and colleagues in the old home state are no doubt chanting today, “We’re number one!” North Dakota topped the USA Today’s recent list of most corrupt states. Then again, their formula was based on convictions per capita, and North Dakota can pretty easily top just about any per capita-based list. But it’s good to be number one, isn’t it?

Top five ways to bribe a North Dakota politician:

5. Twenty kilos of pure white primo stuff – fresh walleye, cleaned and filleted.

4. A big North Dakota junket: free tickets to the Medora musical, plus the pitchfork fondue and two rounds of mini-golf.

3. “That’s right, Senator. My kid will snowblow your driveway and shovel your sidewalk. For the whole winter.”

2. A chance to get out of the North Dakota winter and spend a week in beautiful, balmy South Dakota.

1. “Now see, we make these legislurters . . . logislatures . . . . these government guys a free website, and then in return we tell them we want it legalized, not just decriminalated . . decriminizated . . . what were we talking about again? Hey man, any Doritos left?”

Hmm. Maybe it’s not fair to use actual conversations overheard in the workplace.